


Ghosts

by vortecx (orphan_account)



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Death But Not Really, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, maybe eventual smut idk at this point, seemingly innocent flirting, sort of alternate universe, there's not as much JJ x will as you might think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:49:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/vortecx
Summary: It wasn’t meant to end like this. Death was always inevitable, and as FBI agents, they knew this. It was expected, a side effect to every case encountered. Every life saved. Every perpetrator punished. But it was too soon. Way too soon.ORJJ tries to figure out her life, and Emily's there for her every step of the way.**********************************************i honestly don't know when and/or if i finish this, sorry oops
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	1. Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is the second fanfiction I've ever written (I wrote my first one in 2017, it was tragic), so any feedback would be great! I've created an edit on these two characters, and am basing this story off the storyline of that video. It will be published once this story has finished, which I'm kind of excited about. Note that this isn't set in any season, but takes parts out of different episodes, an alternate season, if you will. Happy reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is the second fanfiction I've ever written (I wrote my first one in 2017, it was tragic), so any feedback would be great! I've created an edit on these two characters, and am basing this story off the storyline of that video. It will be published once this story has finished, which I'm kind of excited about. Note that this isn't set in any season, but takes parts out of different episodes, an alternate reality to the show, if you will. Happy reading!

It wasn’t meant to end like this.

Death was always inevitable, and as FBI agents, they knew this. It was expected, a side effect to every case encountered. Every life saved. Every perpetrator punished.

But it was too soon. Way too soon.

The hospital wasn’t exactly comforting. The bright hospitals lights made everything so clear. The blank walls surrounding them, as if they had never been covered in blood, sweat and tears. The artificial plants set around the place to create an easing environment. It was a good attempt, but didn’t work on these people. Being exposed to so many horrific scenes and scenarios daily conditioned them; they were smart, and as profilers, they had excellent analytical and observation skills.

Every agent was anxious, some pacing the limited space in the room, all shooting their heads up every time footsteps went past, hoping that they would get some reassurance soon, or at least some closure to relieve them of their worry. Regardless of how many plants the hospital put around or abstract paintings they hung up to cover the permanent stains of pain and sorrow, the group knew the intensity of the matter.

And then Jennifer Jareau walked around the corner. Eyes filled with tears. Heavy breaths.

Broken.

She didn’t need to say anything. They already knew. And they had to live with it.

//////

“I’m just… I’m just not happy, you know?”

JJ sighed. It was one of those days where all she wanted was to relax and have a break from reality, whilst also addressing all of the problems in her life. They were normally pretty light, only intense on rare occasions. Because she had so many of these days, she had a set plan: call Emily. She’d generally take it from there, and each ‘fun day’ (as she liked to call them) varied, from a stroll through the park or a small brunch at her place. She never left JJ to deal with these days alone.

There was one day where Emily was in another state visiting some relatives. JJ truly tried her hardest to overcome the stress, and as hard as Garcia tried, it wasn’t the same. Or in other words, it didn’t help. So, she called Emily, expecting to have a good, lengthy chat.

After four rings, her voice was heard through the phone. She ended up at JJ’s apartment in six hours flat on the same day.

JJ thought about this moment often, wondering if it was normal for friends to fly across the country to support them, without hesitation. Maybe it was just normal for her to do this. She had the money to. Or maybe it was the fact that she didn’t want to deal with an unattended JJ. Not that she had before, but perhaps that had been the reason for her instantaneous appearance. No matter the situation, JJ always left happy. Her friend knew how to help her with problems, no matter how big or small. JJ was one lucky person.

On this particular day, Emily took JJ on a ride in her private jet, not really knowing where they were to land. She had obviously been on the BAU jet multiple times, but Emily’s was different. It was spacious, four passenger seats, not including the couch. It was nice and expensive, but even if JJ had her kind of money, a jet wouldn’t exactly be the first thing on her mind. Maybe something practical like a house, or a new car, but certainly not a jet. That’s just another mystery of Emily Prentiss…

“Why not?”

JJ glanced up from the floor, pulling herself from her train of thought. “Huh?”

Emily laughed. “Wow, today’s that bad. I asked, why aren’t you happy?” Her smile was contagious, and instead of embarrassment, JJ giggled along with Emily. That was the kind of effect she had on her. “Sorry,” she began. “I was just thinking.” Emily noticed what JJ said and leant in closer, giving all her attention to the blonde sitting in front of her, curious as to what she would have been thinking about. It’s not like it was a complex question. She just wanted JJ to elaborate on what she said.

JJ came to that realisation, and tried to come up with some excuse as to what she was thinking about. She noticed how close they were to each other, and moved away, resting her elbow on the back of the couch. Emily did the same, assuming that JJ was uncomfortable with the proximity between them. “It’s about Will,” she said. Emily immediately tensed, clenching her fists, giving JJ a serious look. JJ smiled. She knew that if he had been the reason for her unhappiness, Emily would take any chance have a go at him. She didn’t give a damn about the consequences. The dark brunette noticed her expression change. “What? What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, I just find it entertaining how protective you are of your friends.” Perhaps it was a bit more than… ‘friends’. JJ had never really thought about it in depth, but it’s certainly crossed her mind. She’s never seen Emily treat anyone else the way she does to her. She’s seen her comfort Spencer a couple of times, but that was it. No special plane rides, no coffee dates. Then again, she doesn’t know much about the woman in general.  
“Well, is there any reason as to why I shouldn’t pay a visit to your adoring husband?” Emily joked. It was sarcastic, and anyone could tell that. JJ rolled her eyes, chuckling. “I think that’s the problem.”

“What is?”

“Will. He is adoring, and cares so much about the kids but… well... I don’t think…”

“You don’t think what?”

The two stared longingly at each other, concern in Emily’s eyes and nervousness in Jennifer’s. A hand soon rested on JJ’s leg, comforting her.

She closed her eyes, trying to regain composure in herself. She didn’t know how to say it. She had realised this a long time ago, and the fact that she had never told Emily about this before made her feel uneasy. What would she think of her afterwards? JJ soon opened her eyes, blue meeting brown yet again.

She took a deep breath. “I don’t think Will’s right for me. I mean, he’s amazing, but there’s no spark. No… excitement anymore. And maybe it’s because we have kids now, and don’t get me wrong, I love them to death, but when it comes to Will…” JJ stammered. She looked up at Emily for reassurance.

“Listen, I get it.” She smiled. “I’m going to be honest, I was not expecting to hear this,” They both laughed. Emily wasn’t wrong. Apart from Rosalyn, this was one of the heaviest things to come up in their usual conversations. Those were normally about some rookie agent that spilt coffee on her or began hitting on her.

“But I want you to know that I’ll always be there to support you in whatever you choose to do.”

If JJ wasn’t relieved when they laughed together, she certainly was now. This response was the last one she thought that she’d get. She thought she’d hear the words ‘unfaithful wife’ or ‘incapable mother’. It’s bugged her for so long that she didn’t think Emily was telling the truth.

Then they made eye contact for a third time. That’s when JJ knew Emily was one to keep, whether that be friendship… or something more.

“Do you ever feel like you’re in way over your head?”

Emily nodded along, but JJ knew it was a huge mistake. She shouldn’t have tried anything so soon, even if Emily was oblivious to what she was instigating. So, she swayed the conversation to her classified work in Afghanistan, something she wasn't supposed to let out. But it miraculously seemed to work, and Emily agreed to keep it quiet.

She needed time to think. To think about Will. To think about the kids. To think about Emily.


	2. Support

This job was never easy. It’s emotionally draining, seeing lives changed in such small amounts of time. A parentless child. A widowed man. A broken family. These things stick to people’s memories, and don’t ever get lost. The anger of not catching the Unsub sooner. The hurt of not looking at things thoroughly, causing delays. The sadness of losing a life. The memory doesn’t need to be ‘awoken’ by something in particular; it can happen anytime, anywhere.

Even in the safest areas, like the BAU jet.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Emily jumped and turned around to see JJ holding two coffee mugs, smiling sweetly.

She had been doing that recently, both getting her coffee and unintentionally scaring her. Emily wasn’t unappreciative, just puzzled as to why JJ kept on getting her coffee. She had been trying to figure it out, but eventually gave up after the fourth cup, deciding to just thank her for the kind gesture.

“My thoughts are certainly worth more than pennies, Jennifer.” She chuckled.

JJ sat across from Emily and placed a mug in front of her. “Perhaps this coffee is payment enough?” Emily picked it up and took a small sip. “Perhaps.” She smiled. JJ knew exactly how she liked her caffeine, so maybe she would ease her walls down, just for a bit.

“What’s troubling you, Em?”

The brunette raised an eyebrow. “Who said anything was troubling me?”

JJ scoffed, setting her mug down on the quaint table between them. “Listen, I might not have as much experience as the rest of you guys when it comes to profiling, but I know when someone’s uncomfortable.”

Emily chuckled, and looked out the window to the dark and cloudy scene. It was funny how the liaison was making a bold attempt to get her to open up. It wasn’t the first time she had tried.

Knowing this, Emily put on a mocking accent and stood up. “Yes, this seat is quite hard. My back requires soft cushioning, and I believe that seat next to you is perfect.” She sat down next to the blonde, a slight smirk appearing on her face as she continued to drink from her mug.

JJ looked at her in disbelief. Was she insulting her or flirting with her? She wasn’t annoyed, which she thought was Emily’s intention. It was a usual thing for the two to playfully flirt, but this was more forward than she was used to. Or maybe she was just feeling this way ever since she talked to Emily about Will.

“It was a joke,” Emily said, worried that JJ had actually gotten offended. “You were right actually. I guess I am a bit uneasy with something.” She continued, deciding that she might as well give her a taste of what she wanted.  
JJ picked up her own cup and drew her eyes to the dark brunette. She thought about reassuring her that she was fine and she wasn’t annoyed, but didn’t. Emily was opening up, just for a bit, and knowing this only happened on rare occasions, JJ was suddenly determined to get through to the mysterious woman. “What is it?”

Emily had never really done this whole ‘talking about herself’ thing before. She found that she was better off listening. But she still wanted to talk. She wanted to ask how JJ was doing with Will. She wanted to ask about the boys, and if they were alright. She wanted to ask her why she always makes her coffees. She wanted to confess to JJ how much she loved each and every day they spent together, just talking. She wanted to tell her how much she really meant to her, and how losing her would hurt more than any bullet, any knife.

She ends up not talking about that at all.

Instead, she mentions the case they were just on. A small girl, abused, kidnapped and locked away in a mall by her own aunt and uncle. She mentions how the child will be scarred for life. She mentions how it split their family beyond repair. She mentions the effect it will have on everyone for the rest of their lives.

But not once does she mention anything about herself or how it affected her.

JJ doesn’t pick up on it, as expected. But that’s okay. There’s still so much time left in the world. Maybe one day she’d tell her. Just not today.

//////

The building was bright. It was probably because of all the white walls, reflecting off each other. The smell of ‘get well soon’ flowers was all one could smell, and rushed footsteps all one could hear. The doctor led her to her friend, seated on a bench, resting her chin on her hand.

“Hey, I came as quickly as I could. How’s he doing?”

Emily slowly sat down next to JJ, who was still staring at the ground. She was lost in her own thoughts, thinking about whether only calling Emily about him was the best idea. She was happy her friend was there as support, but with her conflicted mind, dealing with the ongoing situation was harder than she thought.

When normal people get a call about something bad happening to their partner, they generally panic, eyes watering, shaky breaths, demanding to see them, hoping that they’re okay. When JJ got the call about Will getting stabbed while dealing with a criminal, she, of course, hoped he was okay. No tears, no anxiousness. But she called Emily. And she knew that that’s not how normal people react.

She felt guilty. As if she was cheating. But she wasn’t. She knew she wasn’t.

“The nurse said that he’s doing alright.” JJ said, no real emotion in her voice. It was different to the usual happy JJ Emily had known and loved, but she just nodded. “Well, I know Will can push through this. He’ll probably use it as a ‘cool’ conversation starter when he gets out.” She smiled. But JJ didn’t bat an eye. She was still distracted, and Emily noticed.

The silence was deafening, but she didn’t push any further. She was there to comfort JJ, and if she didn’t want to talk, then they weren’t going to talk. The last thing she wanted to do was put the young woman in an uncomfortable position. Instead, she put her hand on JJ’s, and soon they were holding each other.

JJ relaxed her shoulders. That woman knew exactly what to do in every situation. Her hand was a contrast to the environment around them; soft and warm, inviting.

She believed her. Will would push through this and most likely would use it as a conversation starter later on in life. But she knew that she’d have to play the loving wife afterwards, and care for him. Tell everyone that she was worried to death because she just loved him that much. Kiss him with passion, hoping that it convinces everyone that she’s still head over heels for him. It was the easier option.

Easier than confronting her true feelings.


	3. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a lengthy chapter, but I've tried to make it as realistic as possible. Enjoy!

JJ held a small get together, figuring that it was the best way to convince everyone that she was still in love with Will. Rather, convince Emily. She was the only person who knew about JJ’s problems. The problems that were too much to handle for JJ.

She leant against the kitchen counter, watching everything happen from afar. She overheard Will and Morgan having a conversation about their battle scars, most likely in light of what had happened the day before. Of course, her husband kept on circling his stomach; yesterday’s wound was the most serious one he had, since it had actually entered his body. But compared to the bulkier man opposite him, that was a scratch at best.

Emily and Reid were playing with the two kids, their laughter travelling throughout the house.

JJ smiled. Her sons were always happy around the two. Reid would show them magic tricks, whilst Emily would carry and spin them around. Sure, every time Michael was thrown into the air, JJ’s heart would stop momentarily, but the boy always landed safely in Emily’s arms. She knew Emily would do nothing out of her limits that would put the boys in danger. 

Despite her idea as to why she invited them all over, seeing them altogether made her feel warm inside. 

“We’re like a happy, little family. But not really little. Like, big but happy.”

Garcia stood next to JJ, who chuckled at the comment. “You and Will made a great family, Jayje. Makes me consider having one of my own.”

JJ looked at her. She wanted to tell the other blonde that they made great _kids_. She wanted to tell her to make sure she picked the right person to spend the rest of her life with. She didn’t want Penelope to go through her current situation. Realising true feelings too late. It sucked. The guilt. The pain. It especially hurt when your partner had just been deemed as part of the BAU family.

“Yeah, kids are amazing.” She glanced over at her children, now running towards their dad. They loved him so much. “I think you’d do well as a mother.” Garcia chortled at the thought. “Maybe one day. Not right now. I would not be able to handle it, especially with our line work.” They laughed together. JJ felt safe around her, like she wouldn’t be judged. Penelope was a good person with a bubbly personality, no matter how dire the scenario was. That’s what she loved about her.

“Hey Pen, do you… regret any decisions? Not small ones, big ones. Like, life-long decisions. Like if you changed your mind right now, it would affect everyone you know and love.”

Garcia gave JJ a quizzical look. “No, nothing comes to mind. That was pretty heavy Jayje, why do you ask? Oh my gosh, are you planning on leaving? Is that why you held this get together? Because Will was in danger?” The ex-hacker panicked, and began pacing the area. “I can get up the information of the person that stabbed him, and we can keep you safe from any dangerous people, you know that, right? Just don’t go!” JJ shook her head and grabbed the blonde, holding her still. 

“No, of course not! You guys are my family.” 

Leaving the BAU never crossed her mind once, and if she were to leave, it wouldn’t be because of Will. Certainly not because of Will. “No, it was just a thought. I’m not leaving anytime soon.”

Garcia took a breath of relief. “You had me scared there. I was not ready to let you go.” 

The BAU was JJ’s second family, a sweet escape from her personal life. There was no way she was going to leave. Ever.

//////

“Are you being serious right now?!”

JJ had never been more serious in her entire life. Will had bought a house in Louisiana without her knowledge, expecting the family to move by the snap of his fingers. He suggested that JJ become a full-time mom, deeming the BAU ‘too dangerous’ for a ‘woman like her’. 

To be fair, he was partially right. She had recently gotten shot by an unsub she was chasing, and if not for her bulletproof vest, she may not be alive right now. The thought of leaving Henry and Michael motherless haunted her, for sure. But ‘woman like her’? A woman like her had taken down and locked up countless numbers serial killers, psychopaths and kidnappers. A woman like her birthed and raised two children whilst working a full-time job.

A woman like her did not need to put up with this bullshit.

“Yes. We’re not moving to Louisiana.” 

It was dark out, and the kids fell asleep ages ago. That was good. The last thing JJ wanted was for them to hear their parents arguing, yelling throughout the night.

“I don’t get it. I thought you cared for the kids!” Will shouted. 

JJ could put up with a lot of things that was coming out of the man’s mouth, but using her own children against her? That was a line not to be crossed. And he crossed it.

“Don’t bring them into this!” She screamed. 

“I’m just looking out for them!”

“How? By taking them away from their family?”

“We are their family!”

She had to admit, Will's reasons for moving were certainly stronger than hers. Her sole reason for staying was because of the team. She loved her job, as well as the people she worked with. Maybe JJ was just being selfish.

But she wasn’t giving up that easily.

“They’ve grown up around them. Henry _idolises_ Spencer. If we moved, it would be like exactly the same as them losing me.”

“I don’t see any problem in that.”

JJ stared at the man. He wasn’t even looking at her. He was acting like a twelve-year-old, as if he was a student making snarky side comments to his most disliked teacher.

“You can go pack your things and stay in a hotel for the night.” JJ believed that it would be best for him to give her some space, and opted for Will to leave. They could figure it all out tomorrow, where both of their heads were clear enough to properly talk things through.

She thought that was going to be the end of their argument. 

She was wrong.

“Why do I have to go? You’re the one being unreasonable!”

JJ had had enough of his childish demeanour.

“You know what, Will? I’m sick of you.”

JJ continued yelling, listing everything that was wrong with him. Perhaps ending their relationship was a bit much. It was certainly unexpected and confusing on his end, but for JJ, it was perfect. A quick and easy finish to the exhausting story in her head.

She didn’t know what Will’s response would be, but she didn’t expect this. He wasn’t an aggressive man.

It was the first time she had been hit by someone she actually cared about. Will was normally always kind, and to be frank, that was the primary reason as to why she couldn’t end their marriage, apart from the fact that they had kids. They had never fought to the point where it turned violent, but boy, did it hurt. 

JJ was shaken, but there was no way she was going to be disrespected. “Get. Out.” She commanded. Her tone was low, but harsh. She wasn't messing around.

Will seemingly regretted his action, attempting to hold her hand, remorse in his eyes. She pulled away from him, instantly.

“Jen, I didn’t mean to- “

“Get out!” She yelled. Anger ran through her veins. She was mad. Mad that she was once in love with this man. This man that had just slapped her across the face. She no longer needed convincing that she was doing the wrong thing. 

JJ shoved him outside, through the entrance, slamming it shut. She leant against the door, still vibrating from the force, quietly sobbing. 

It wasn’t meant to end like this. JJ would want to talk it out with the kids, explain how their parents wanted different things in life. Anything but this.

“Mom?”

JJ turned around, quickly wiping the tears off her cheek. “Oh, Henry…” She smiled at the innocent boy, who was still half-asleep, wearing his favourite pair of blue pyjamas and a confused look on his face. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“I heard you and Dad yelling, and then the door closed really loudly. Michael is still asleep.” The kid looked around, observing the area. “Are you okay? Where’d Dad go? Did he leave?”

JJ bent down and met her child’s eyes, voice cracking as she spoke. “I’m fine,” she said. How do you tell your son that his father wasn’t welcome here anymore? 

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow, kiddo. Why don’t you go upstairs and join your brother?” Henry looked at his mother’s face. Even if he was young, he was smart. He got that from JJ.

“Your face is red, mom.” He reached up to gently touch JJ, who flinched back. “It’s nothing, Henry. I promise we’ll talk about it tomorrow. Go to sleep now.” She said. The boy nodded and reluctantly turned around to walk to his room. 

“Hey mom,” He said, quickly turning back around to face his mother. JJ looked back at him. “Yeah?”

“Can Emily come over tomorrow? She taught me how to make a paper crane at the party earlier this week, and she said that she’d show me some other cool things whenever I see her next.” 

Emily.

That’s who she needed right now.

“I’ll call her and ask if she can,” She smiled. She was glad the boy had asked. It meant that he didn’t really understand what had happened just minutes earlier. “Only if you go to sleep though.” Henry flashed a huge grin at his mother, excited. “You’re the best, mom. I love you!”

“I love you too.”

JJ picked up the phone and called Emily as soon as the young boy was out of earshot. When she answered, JJ smiled to herself. The sound of her voice relaxed the blonde. It was soothing, like a verbal massage.

Emily kept her promise. She supported her, no matter what.

And that’s all JJ wanted.


	4. Divided

Emily was around more often after JJ told her about Will. In other words, she was around every day.

Saying Emily was pissed off was an understatement.

If it weren’t for Henry and Michael wanting her to stick around, she’d be out trying to find the man, so that she could knock some sense into him and teach him what respect meant. JJ appreciated the gesture and laughed at how passionate the brunette was, but she didn’t want that. All she wanted was an unproblematic life. 

That was more difficult than it seemed.

Will had called JJ multiple times earlier, ranging from ‘I’m sorry,’ to ‘Can I pick up my things?’. They’d mostly talk about ‘if’ and ‘when’ he could see his children. Of course, she was hesitant, but after careful consideration, she figured that it was torture for him, and knew if it was the other way around, it would be a much bigger deal. So, after deciding on a date, JJ tried her best to come up with some sort of excuse as to why she needed to be alone with the kids.

Long story short, she couldn’t, and consequently, Emily was at the local park with the two boys. JJ had managed to stay home, saying that she had some ‘important’ things to do.

“How are the boys?” Will asked.

“They’re fine.”

“Where are they?”

“They aren’t home.”

Will wasn’t there to catch up, and he knew that. Not after what he did.

But JJ knew that wasn’t the entire definition of him. She knew he regretted every part of that argument. Heck, they were his kids too. 

“Listen Jen, I’m really sorry. I know that what I did was unforgivable, and I’m not making any excuses for my actions,” William was still so kind. That irresistible charm. With the right people, he could easily get what he wanted, all the time. 

“But surely there was another reason as to why you ended everything abruptly.” He set the coffee that JJ had made for him down on the counter, between where they were standing.

JJ sighed. Honestly, she didn’t hate him. No matter how bad she made that night sound to Emily, he did so much for the family. He used to take the boys to school almost every day. He took care of them and helped Henry with his homework whenever JJ was out fighting crime. He was still a father; he just wasn’t right for JJ. Plus, she hadn’t been completely honest with him when they were together. Maybe she deserved the slap. And maybe he deserved the truth.

Before JJ could respond, the door swung open.

“Dad?”

Henry stood there, staring at his parents.

No one told the young boy what had actually happened. They decided over the phone that JJ would be the one to explain the situation to Henry, since Michael wouldn’t have understood anything, and all she said was that they weren’t happy anymore, leaving out the details. 

“Hey there, Henry.” 

Emily followed after him, carrying Michael. “William.” She looked back and forth between the two other adults in the room. “How nice of you to be here.” Will awkwardly laughed, running his hand through his brown hair. “Nice to see you too Emily.” 

An uncomfortable silence filled the air. No one knew what to say or do. Even Michael, the normally energetic child, was silent. Probably because of how entertaining he found Emily’s hair, running his fingers through it, satisfied with how smooth it was. 

“Henry, Michael,” JJ began, breaking the tension. “You two will be spending the rest of the weekend with your father in New Orleans. Your bags are ready upstairs. I prepared them while you guys were out.” Emily looked at Will, wondering what the man had done or said to JJ in order for him to be able to take the kids for such a long period of time.  
  
“William, why don’t you go help them?” JJ said, noticing Emily’s concern. She clearly had some things to clarify with her.

Emily continued to glare at Will, intimidating him as he took Michael from her arms. As soon as the boys went to their room, she walked over to JJ. “Care to explain what he’s doing here?” JJ began making another cup of coffee. “His only problem is with me, Em. He’s as much of a parent as I am to those two. He still deserves to see them.” She passed the mug to her. Emily took it and held it close to her chest, blowing on the hot liquid to cool it down. “Deserves? That’s being too kind.”

JJ smirked at her comment. Emily was always good at lifting her spirits. 

“Then call me a kind person.” 

“Aren’t you worried about the kids?” Emily asked, curious as to why JJ wasn’t scared of leaving the children alone with a man who had hit her. The truth was, JJ believed that Will would still be a good father. He was remorseful after slapping her, not manipulative. She believed that he stayed up every night from then wondering how different it would be if he had kept his hand to himself. 

As a mother of two children, yes, she was scared about being so far away from her kids. But as a mother of Henry and Michael, she was okay. She knew that Henry was smart and brave enough to take care of himself and his younger brother, while underneath William’s roof. For all they knew, they were just going on a trip with their father.

“No, not really.” It was hard to explain to Emily. She had a different way of handling things. If she had kids and that happened to her, she’d probably fight for full custody of the children and they’d never hear of her ex-partner ever again.

But Emily stayed quiet, respecting JJ’s decision. 

“So, rest of the weekend, huh?” Emily said. “That’s a long time.” She took a sip of her coffee, and JJ smiled. She knew that she wanted to stay over, and the blonde was happy to oblige.

“Would you like to keep me company this weekend, Em?”

“Yes, I would actually.” They both looked at each other in the eyes, not realising that the boys were already at the entrance. 

“Bye mom! Bye Em!” The kids were excited to be around their father. JJ wasn’t surprised; they hadn’t seen him for days.

“Bye guys, have fun!” Her kids sprinted down the driveway to Will’s car, waving back to their mother. They walked towards the door, an as Will took a step outside, Jennifer grabbed his arm.

“Nine pm tomorrow,” She said with a stern voice. “No later than that, otherwise I’m filing a missing children’s report.” He nodded. The two women watched as he walked away, proceeding to help his children into the car. As they drove off, JJ turned to the slightly taller woman. 

“Let’s go have some fun.” She giggled, pulling Emily inside.

“Let’s.”


	5. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so the reason I've been posting so much is because I've already written about seven chapters, and am just busy editing them. Exams are coming up, so I'm not sure how much I'll manage to write after posting Chapter Seven. Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far, and as always, feedback is always appreciated.

JJ recently started her job in Afghanistan and was currently speaking to Mateo Cruz, the section chief and one of the first people she met upon arrival. They had just finished discussing their objective and decided to get to know each other better. If she was to work with this team for who knows how long, she might as well build some sort of relationship and learn more about the team she was working with.

“Jareau.”

JJ turned around to face Michael Hastings, another colleague of hers. He was taller than Mat and seemed to be well-respected around the camp. Or maybe it was fear. She still remembers their first encounter. 

_Don't get comfortable. This place changes people. Can't imagine what it'll do to someone like you._

What a great impression.

“There’s a call for you from the BAU. Some kind of emergency involving Emily?”

She stared at the man and quickly brushed past him, leaving the two alone. Emergency. Emily. Those two words didn’t sound too good together. Especially after what happened the last time they saw each other.

Hastings called out after her. 

“Who’s Emily?”

//////

JJ had been in hospitals multiple times, but today was different. She was barely in Afghanistan for a mere few days, but after Hotch’s call, she got on the first plane back to the US. They were told that she was given a promotion working as the DoD Liaison at the Pentagon, and wasn’t allowed to know what she was really doing. She changed her hairstyle, letting it out, and entire outfit to some sleek, black attire to not raise any of her former team’s suspicion; rocking up with a slicked back ponytail and a camouflaged uniform would seem strange to anyone. 

Only Will and Emily knew, but that was when JJ was still with the man and was _obligated_ to tell him for her family’s safety. Emily wasn’t technically allowed to know, but she had to figure out someway to cover up her failed attempt of confessing her slight attraction for the dark brunette.

When she arrived, JJ didn’t get to see her once. She had just landed when Emily was taken to the emergency room. The team was already there. 

“JJ!” Garcia called out. The two embraced each other tightly. “What happened? Where is she?” she asked, panic in her voice. Her hands were holding Penelope’s arms, tightening by the second. It was late, but everyone seemed to be awake, alert and anxious. 

“She’s being taken care of.” Hotch stated, approaching them. He was always known to be emotionless and unfazed, almost like a robot, but even he seemed uncertain with the current situation. “Garcia, take JJ into that room over there and debrief her.” He pointed down the hallway to a room surrounded by glass, which appeared to be a break room.

They walked in and took a seat at the table. “Tell me everything.” The blonde demanded. She didn’t care if the story broke her; she needed to know. 

Penelope nodded. “Do you remember Ian Doyle?” 

She did. The bastard was a manipulative, sick man, abusive, distasteful and some sort of leader to a small, secret organisation. She remembered Emily telling her about him, how happy she was and how they had planned to get married. It was when she had first joined the team. She was so outgoing, so open, so free…

That was before Emily had found out the truth about him. She had his child, but was forced to, in his words, ‘get rid of it’ as soon as he found out. It was the first and only time she had seen Emily cry. JJ never really understood how he managed to keep her on his hook for so long, but later figured out that he was why Emily was so closed-off to the world. So secretive.

“Yeah,” JJ stammered. “What’s he got to do with it?” It was a stupid question, as the answer seemed to be obvious, but she was too out of her head to ask any useful ones.

“Well, Emily decided to go rogue. No one knows why, but she somehow tracked him down and went on a mission for revenge.”

_Revenge? But why? She left him years ago. There wasn’t any reason to get revenge. Unless there was some sort of trigger…_

JJ lost her focus. It was her fault. It must’ve been her fault.

“Jayje?”

Garcia was nervous. The two were the closest of friends. It was rare for something bad to happen to either of them, but when it did, all Hell would break loose. 

“What happened, Pen?” 

The analyst hesitated. Perhaps the details weren’t the best for JJ’s current state.

“We found her location and sent a team out right away. Morgan found her laying on her back, handcuffed and…” Garcia didn’t want to continue. But JJ pushed on.

“And what?” She grew more and more anxious, and the suspense was killing her. “Tell me.”

The usually bright personality looked up at the woman and saw the worry in her eyes. She decided that it was best to just tell her. Keeping it in was tortuous for both of them.

“She was impaled by a wooden table leg,” She whispered. “It didn’t look good.” She took Jennifer’s hands in hers to comfort her, but they soon left her grip. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that last part.

JJ stood up and stormed out of the room, taking shaky breaths. Emily was in this state because of her, and there was no way to forgive herself for that.

She re-joined her team in the waiting room. Spotting Morgan, she hugged him tightly. He must have been in the same amount of pain as JJ. 

“Doyle wasn’t there, JJ. He’s still out there somewhere. Maybe if we were there sooner, things would be different...” She looked up at the muscular man before him. Things probably would be different, but that’s not what he needed to hear right now. “Don’t beat yourself up. We’ll get him. I promise.”

They separated as Hotch walked up to them. “We have news, but I figured one of you two should be told first, before the rest of us.”

The pair looked at each other. It was a strange proposition, but neither questioned it. They were both closest to Emily and were both equally worried about her condition. But neither were ready to know so soon.

As much as JJ didn’t want to go, she volunteered. Morgan had found Emily bleeding out which was already too much for him. She decided if he were to receive bad news, it wouldn’t end well.

JJ walked out to find the doctor. She found him.

And they spoke.

And she cried.

“I’m so sorry,” He said. The rest of his words were muffled, unintelligible. The world around her stopped. The pain couldn’t compare to any gunshot or stab wound she had gotten before. It was worse. There wasn’t anything in the world that could help, no painkillers, no morphine, no stitches. The wound would stay open and continue to sting her, and there was nothing she could about it.

“Can I see her?” She requested, under soft mumbles. JJ knew it wasn’t a good idea, but she wanted to know how much Emily had suffered before passing, how much hurt she needed to bring to Ian Doyle. Because her story wasn’t going to end here.

Not like this.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but that’s not the best idea for someone who has just received this information.”

JJ took a deep breath, accepting his answer. She knew forcing her way through would just worsen things for everyone. 

Wiping her cheeks from her tears, she nodded and walked around the corner. As she stepped into the room, all eyes focused on her with anticipation. She stood there, not knowing how to deliver the devastating news.

Maybe she didn’t have to say anything. They figured out what happened as soon as the silence went on for too long.

“No…” Garcia mouthed. Reid was on the brink of crying. Morgan clenched his fists, his fury slowly overtaking his sorrow. Rossi stared at the ground. Even Hotch avoided eye contact with her and crossed his arms.

Tears began to form again. JJ said it anyways.

“She never made it off the table.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story has been a bit jumpy, but once I post the next two chapters I've already written, it'll make sense. In case you're a bit confused, no, I haven't mentioned what happened the last time JJ and Emily met before she went to Afghanistan. No, I haven't mentioned why Emily went on a manhunt. No, Emily wasn't undercover when she got together with Ian Doyle, unlike the TV show. You'll just have to wait for the next couple of chapters :)
> 
> If you do have anymore questions, feel free to ask!


	6. Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really late upload! I wouldn't expect another chapter until perhaps next weekend, but I've made this chapter a bit longer than the others. Hope you enjoy and don't forget, any feedback would be great!

JJ was struggling. She was struggling to find Ian Doyle. She was struggling to come to terms with Emily’s fate. She was struggling to face reality.

But her biggest struggle was explaining to her kids why Emily wasn’t coming over anymore. Her funeral was tomorrow on Tuesday, and since they got back from their father’s house, she still hadn’t told them about the now deceased woman. She had even considered not attending the funeral altogether. 

Cruz and Strauss had heard of the unfortunate news, and let JJ have a break before returning to Afghanistan. With her job, if she wasn’t in the right headspace, she was useless.

Hotch was taking care of the boys while JJ was away, not Will. Her kids couldn’t stay with him if they wanted to anyways; they still had school. Besides, they still had the weekend to see their dad. 

The unit chief had been the one to inform her about Emily, and offered to break the news to the kids straight away, but JJ wanted to do it herself. But she hadn’t, and the poor kids were left confused as to why their mother was so sad.

JJ and Morgan had teamed up immediately after leaving the hospital to try and track Doyle down. They expected Hotch to help them and make it the BAU’s case. Emily was someone who didn’t think twice about protecting her family, including Hotch’s, so they thought he’d do the same. The two were surprised when he advised against it, stating that there wasn’t anything they could do. 

It left them annoyed and guilty, but Hotch was right. There really wasn’t much they could do. It was obvious that it was an act of vengeance, and it was certainly different to any other case they had handled before. 

Evidently, it stayed like that. Open. Unsolved. No matter how hard they looked, there was no trace of Ian Doyle. His presence was slipping out of their grip. It was like the man never existed.

And no one was looking for him. Doyle had gotten away with murder.

//////

“Okay, no, if anyone in the BAU were to get arrested, it would 100% be you.”

The two women were playing the ‘Who’s Most Likely To’ game, using the members of their team. It was Henry and Michael’s first night at their dad’s place, and was JJ’s first night with the boys so far away. What better way to distract her than to play a game meant for teenagers?

“I’m going to act as though I’m not completely offended by that, Jennifer.” They both laughed at their choices of people for each round, wine glasses in hand. Derek was most likely to run away with the circus and become a strong man, because of his muscles. Rossi was most likely to become the President of the United States, simply because of how wise he was, along with his mysterious old age. Spencer was most likely to read every single book in a library, because, well, he was Spencer.

“Okay, wait, I’ve got one.” JJ said, each word slurred. She never got tipsy whenever she went out drinking, and being the _actual_ mom of the group, she was normally the designated driver.

But right now, she was in her house with her best friend. There was no reason to stay sober.

“Who is most likely to get back with their ex?”

If they hadn’t had any alcohol this evening, this would have been the most uncomfortable and awkward conversation they’d have. 

“I honestly think you would. You and Mr. Jazz Band would totally hook up and create another _adorable_ baby.”

JJ started laughing again, clutching her stomach with her free arm. She couldn’t figure out which was funnier; the thought of her and Will all over again, or the fact that Emily would think that she’d go back to him after all that time, arguing with herself over him.

“What about you and that Irishman?” JJ asked, regaining her composure. She knew very little about Emily’s personal life, and when sober, she knew not to ever bring it up. But she wasn’t sober. 

Emily tensed a little, still having a small ability to understand the words that were coming out of the blonde’s mouth. “He’s not my ex. Not my most recent one at least.” She stated, bringing the wine up to her lips. JJ tilted her head like a confused puppy. “Oh?” 

Emily nodded, placing her glass down on the coffee table. “ _She_ was different.” 

JJ put hers down as well, refilling the two empty glasses. She took note of Emily’s use of pronouns. The woman had never mentioned any girl in her love life before. Not that JJ had any problem, whatsoever. She was trying to figure out herself as well. “Her name was Rebecca. She was nice, blonde hair, blue eyes. A bit like you, Jayje.” JJ raised an eyebrow. She was taken aback by Emily’s sudden openness to her, but wondered if this ‘Rebecca’ person was real or made up.

“I told her that I was an accountant, working a desk job, but she left as soon as she found out what my real profession was.” Emily chuckled at the memory. Her reaction to the truth was quite amusing. “Said she “couldn’t fall in love with a person at risk of death daily.”” 

JJ didn’t say anything. She was trying to figure out what she was going to do with the new information, or if she was going to do anything at all.

Emily looked at the quiet agent. As if on cue, she asked her a very peculiar question.

“You ever been with a woman, Jayje?”

JJ snapped out of her trance and gave her a blank stare, quickly shaking her head after processing her question. She had considered it in the past whenever Emily would be sweet on her, but she’d never tried it. The only relationships she had been in were with men.

“Well, the difference between them is that one is softer and more emotional, while the other is the complete opposite.” Emily smiled, picking up her glass and taking a big gulp. JJ leaned in, intrigued by the lesson she was getting. 

“Now, it’s pretty easy to say that women are better at relationships, since their more open with their feelings,” The blonde nodded along, taking mental notes of every important point, but she found it ironic that the phrase ‘open with their feelings’ was coming out of Emily’s mouth. That was something she was not. “But little do people know that they’re also better kissers than men.” She continued. JJ giggled like a twelve-year-old. _Of course she’d say that._ “Okay, Miss Know-It-All, what study proves that?” 

Emily smirked, gulping down what was a full glass. “My study, obviously.” JJ’s laugh became weaker, realising what the brunette had just said. But her smile never left her face. She began to feel butterflies in her stomach, trying to determine if this was their usual, innocent flirting or the perfect opportunity to make a bold, perhaps permanent move.

She watched Emily lean over to the coffee table, focusing on her lips.

Over the last couple of days, she had tried to push her thoughts of the brunette away, but was it worth it? JJ had just been given integral information that would heavily affect her decision, but it wasn’t exactly a bad thing. Still, she was more frustrated than ever.

What better time to get rid of that frustration than now?

The timing was horrible. Emily wasn’t ready. She was turning to face JJ as their heads collided; more so, JJ’s collided with hers. “Shit! I’m so sorry, Em!” The blonde looked at the other woman, panicked. So many things had just gone wrong. She physically hurt Emily, probably giving her a bruise. The reason she accidentally hurt her was probably going to leave a bigger mark in their relationship than the bruise. JJ was never going to recover from this.

She didn’t know what to do. She already _technically_ apologised. Should she comfort her? Should she ask if she’s okay? Should she apologise again?

She ended up staring.

“Ouch, Jayje,” Emily said, rubbing her head. “That felt like a brick. What were you… Oh.” She looked at JJ’s flushed face, noticing the worry in her eyes. She chuckled, trying to destress the blonde. 

“You could’ve just asked.”

JJ let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. She rolled her eyes and smiled. Maybe it would have been less embarrassing if she did just ask.

The two stared at each other. There was clearly some tension in the air. 

“Uh, so… Do you want any more wine?” JJ offered, hoping to break what she interpreted as awkward silence. 

Emily shook her head. “No,” She began, glancing down at JJ’s lips. “That’s not what I want.”

This time, Emily initiated the movement, leaning in to JJ’s touch, wrapping her arms around her waist. JJ cupped her cheeks and moved much more smoothly than last time. 

The blonde’s taste was… pure. Innocent, untouched even, like a newly formed flower. It wasn’t like anything else she had tasted before. Normally, there’d be some hint of used cigarettes or mints, or something common like that. But there was nothing. And she liked it.

JJ rested her hands-on Emily’s shoulders, pulling back. She was breathless, taken aback by this newfound experience. She traced the woman’s jaw with her finger, smiling softly. Emily looked up. “You okay?”

JJ nodded. “Yeah, just needed to breathe.” She giggled. As much as she didn’t want the night to end, it was late, and she didn’t want to go that far. At least, not tonight. Sure, they had just kissed, but that didn’t mean they were official. And if they were to do anything, she wanted it to be perfect.   
  


“We should get some sleep.” Emily rolled her eyes and sighed. “Even drunk, you can’t stop being a mom.” 

JJ chuckled. “Shut up.” She gently shoved Emily. 

She was happy. Happiest she had been in a while. And she intended for it to stay that way.


	7. Relationships

JJ didn’t cry at the funeral. 

Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was regret.

Maybe it was the fact that she could have done something to prevent this from happening. Their last moment together wasn’t the worst, but maybe there was something she could have said that could’ve prevented the last few events from occurring. She was barely gone for a few days, almost a week maybe. But a week was a long time. A lot could happen in a week.

There was nothing she could do now.

//////

  
Emily had begun to settle down on JJ’s couch. Their moment earlier had left her in a good mood, but it didn’t feel appropriate to sleep in the same bed with her so soon.

“God, Emily, you aren’t sleeping on the couch. We’re adults. We can sleep in the same bed and keep it PG-13 at the same time.”

JJ was standing over her shoulder wearing her grey FBI training jumper and some baggy black sweatpants, messy hair, and toothbrush in hand. Emily turned around. She couldn’t help but smile; post-drunk JJ was now her favourite JJ.

She eventually got up and followed JJ to her room. “I normally slept on the right side, but that was only because Will preferred the left. When I’m alone, I sleep in the middle. But you’re here, so take your pick.” She was rambling, probably due to how tired and drunk she was, and Emily found it adorable.

She ended up sitting down on the left side of the bed. JJ walked out of the en suite and flopped onto the bed next to her. “Thank you.” JJ sighed. Emily raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

Honestly, JJ didn’t know what she was specifically thankful for. But she knew she was happier now, and that was enough.

“For making life easier to deal with.”

Emily fiddled with her hands. She wasn’t used to dealing with her feelings before. And she didn’t like it.

“Uh, yeah no problem.” She slipped under the covers and turned her back towards JJ. It was the easiest way to drop the conversation.

JJ looked at the other woman now lying next to her in surprise. _Why was she so closed off all of a sudden? Did she say something offensive?_

“Emily, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“No, tell me.”

She sat up and placed her hand on Emily’s arm to comfort her. But Emily flinched, pushing JJ’s hand away.

“What’s your problem, Em?”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

Emily hesitated. She needed a good lie, one convincing and believable enough, but not entirely true.

“Relationships. Couples in public terrify me.”

Emily obviously didn’t fear relationships in general; she feared her and JJ’s. She was ready to give it all up for her. Of course, she would never tell her that. But she wondered if JJ felt the same.

A wave of guilt rushed through Emily’s body. She had just pushed JJ away, which probably pissed her off, as well as disappointed her. She wanted to apologise, but she figured that she had damaged JJ beyond repair. At least that’s what she thought.

JJ was quiet for a moment. It didn’t make sense. 

“That’s not the real truth.”

Emily shifted her position, feeling relieved that JJ wasn’t in tears, but uneasy. Perhaps JJ had improved her profiling skills since they first met.

“You’re just scared of being in one.”

Emily’s eyes widened. She was caught in her lie. For the first time in a while, she felt vulnerable.

“If you were supposedly terrified, you wouldn’t make any moves. You wouldn’t have kissed me. You wouldn’t be flirting with me 24/7.”

“Jayje…”

“No, let me speak.”

The dark-haired woman sat still and nodded, listening to whatever JJ had to say. 

“You don’t have any clue what love is, do you Em? Doyle made your whole perspective change. It was built off lies. Same with Rebecca. Both ended because of lies.”

JJ watched as the woman bit her lip, writhing in discomfort. This was a position she was rarely in, and JJ knew she was getting somewhere.

“I was different. I didn’t lie, you didn’t lie, yet we were still attracted to each other. And it scared you.”

Emily had a sudden interest in her hands. She played with them, until a warm touch held them still.

“You need to get over him. The memory of that man is still holding you back. He held you back from Rebecca, he’s holding you back from me. Slay your demons. Until then, you’re trapped.”

Emily looked up at the woman and retracted her hands. She wasn’t usually the one to take advice, but she understood what JJ was implying. They weren’t happening until Ian Doyle wasn’t a memory. Until he was forgotten. 

JJ rolled her eyes and began crawling underneath the covers, facing her back towards her. It was a risky move, but she knew that it was what Emily needed.

“I’m leaving for that Afghanistan mission I told you about in two days. The boys will be with Hotch from then on.”

Emily lay next to her. She had completely forgotten about that. That was probably why she wanted to spend the weekend with her. 

_Slay your demons. Until then, you’re trapped._

Doyle wasn’t going to stop her from getting what she wanted. She wasn’t going to let that happen, no matter the cost.

What she wanted was a relationship with JJ. And that’s what she was gonna get.

//////

  
It was the day before the weekend, which meant that the boys still needed to go to their father’s house. Henry was quiet for the rest of week following Emily’s death; he’d much rather stay with his mother who was mourning her best friend all week long, than his dad.

JJ couldn’t figure out how the boy was feeling. The usual ‘How was school?' was always asked every afternoon, but he just kept on saying ‘okay’. Excited and outgoing Henry didn’t exist anymore.

JJ broke down whenever she found one of his paper cranes around the house.

Will was unable to pick the kids up that weekend, so JJ had to drop them off. It was a two-hour flight, and not a word was spoken until the last five minutes of their trip from the airport.

“Are you gonna be okay, mom? We can stay with you if you want.”

JJ looked at the young boy. “I know, sweetie,” The taxi pulled in front of Will’s house. “But your father still wants to see you. I’ll be okay.” She knew she wasn’t, but there was no way her son was going to find out. 

She looked at the house. It was big, much bigger than her current residence. What a family they could’ve been. She helped Henry out of the car, as well as their bags. Michael was fast asleep, so JJ carried him towards the doorstep. “You enjoy the weekends with your father, and be good when you stay with Uncle Hotch, okay?” Henry nodded. She knocked on the door, and it soon opened.

“JJ, hey. I didn’t think you were coming.” Will took Michael out of her arms and moved aside for Henry to walk in. “I heard about Emily. If there’s anything you need-”

“Just take good care of the boys this weekend. I’ll be fine.”

Will nodded. She turned away from him, got into the car and left.

It was dark when she got back to Quantico. She had just received a message from Morgan to meet in front of the city’s library, so she asked the driver to go straight there, assuming it was about Doyle. The two were hunting him down without anyone’s knowledge, so the text didn’t come off as a surprise.

JJ gave the man some cash and watched as he drove away, leaving her standing alone. The lights were bright, but only made her feel nervous as she observed the empty environment. Worried, she called Morgan, wondering where the man was.

Before anything else, a black leather glove grabbed her from behind and pulled her back, away from the bright city lights.

Her situation with Will. The stress of her lying to her friends about her work overseas. Emily’s death. And now this?

What else could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I finished my last exam yesterday, so instead of working on my remaining essays, I continued this story. As stated in Chapter 5 or something, I had already pre-written two chapters. I just needed to edit them. Now that they've been posted, I need to write some more new chapters from scratch, meaning that it will be around a week or two until the next release. 
> 
> I hope you're all enjoying the story so far! I'm not exactly sure how many chapters there will be overall, but I'm thinking maximum 15. If it goes past that, oh well. As long as you're all content!


End file.
